YOUR CHOOSING OF A MATE

Turn in your Bible to Psalm 65:4 (New King James Bible).
It says, Blessed is the man you choose and causes to
approach you. That he may dwell in your courts and shall
be satisfied with the goodness of your house...
Pastor T.D. Jakes made a statement once that was morbid
but SO true!
He said that when choosing a mate, you need to ask yourself
whether or not that person is the one you would want to hold
your hand as you are lowering your parents' bodies into the
grave for the last time.

TThat is serious. Meditate on that for a few seconds.
Your entire perspective in terms of what you are searching
for in a mate should be based on that one question.
Are you dating? Think about your boy/girlfriend.
Is he/she seriously the one you would want holding your
hands during the darkest hours of your life? Look even
deeper. Is your present boy/girlfriend the type who
would offer you assistance during the time of grief?

Believe it or not, there are numerous men/women out here
who offer absolutely NO comfort to hurting women/men.
And no, it does not matter whether they are married to
those women/men or not! I wish you could see some of
the personal letters this site receives from married people.
Yes, some of them are happy, praise God! However, the ones
who are not happy are absolutely miserable. There are no
in-between. Either you are happy in a marriage or you are
not. There are married women/men writing saying their
husbands/wives never show authentic affection towards them,
never offer expressions of love for them. That is real.

Because it is so real, God desires that women/men are
exceptionally careful when choosing a mate. Notice I did
not say that women/men should FIND a mate! I said, "Choose".
There is a huge difference.
Turn in your Bible to Proverbs 18:22. It says that He who
finds a wife finds a good thing...
Interpretation: MEN find women. Women should not be out
trying to find a man! HOWEVER, once found, the woman can
then choose to be with the man or to wait to be found by
a different man.
WHAT TO LOOK FOR WHEN CHOOSING A MATE:
Proverbs 20:6 states, who can find a faithful man?
The fact that the question is asked is indicative of the
fact that there are not many faithful men out there.
However, there is good news. The good news is that JESUS
knows where the faithful men are!
Webster's New Colligate Dictionary offers several excellent
definitions of the word faithful:
FAITHFUL:
(a) Steadfast in affection or allegiance
(b) Loyal
(c) Firm in adherence to promises or in observance of duty
(d) Conscientious
the scriptures say that a faithful man is difficult to find.
God is saying that it is hard to find a man/woman with the
qualities in letters a. b. c. and d. However, wouldn't you
love to have a man/woman with the qualities listed above?
They are rare. But GOD knows where such men/women is located.
Turn in your Bible to Ephesians 5:23. Scripture states,
for the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is
head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.
TTherefore, just as the church is subject to Christ,

so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the
church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify
and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word.
That He might present her to Himself a glorious church,
not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she
should be holy and without blemish.
STOP! Now go back and re-read that passage. God is offering
us a blueprint on what to look for in a mate. Let's pick
that scripture apart.
1. The husband is head of the wife. That means that you
need to choose a man who is born-again. He also needs to
be a man under whose authority you will feel comfortable
submitting. It is dangerous to submit to the authority of
a man who is not saved or who does not have a relationship
with God.
2. The husband must love his wife as Christ loves the
Church. That is a tough one! Look at the degree to which
God loves His Church! He died for the Church (the entire
body of Christ). How does God love us? He is kind, patient
and nurturing to the Church. Those are the qualities you
need to search for when determining who to marry.
3. The husband must sanctify, cleanse and wash his wife
with the Word of God. Again, only a born-again man can
wash you with the Word of God (scriptures). Think about
the dating ritual. Boy meets girl, they date, and start to care deeply, and the subject of sex pops up.
Question: HOW will the man handle it? God says that it
is the responsibility of the man to see to it that he
presents a woman clean and holy. If he is fornicating
with her, how can he present her as clean and holy?
Sex outside the marriage bond is dirty.
Therefore, if you find yourself with a man trying to
fornicate with you, you have the wrong man. God says
that He presents the Church (His Bride!) without spot,
wrinkle or blemish. Your future husband must present
you at the alter without spot, wrinkle or blemish.
FFurthermore, even if you become weak and want to fornicate,

He must be able to WASH you with God’s Word. He is
responsible for you! This is important. Please listen so
that you don't end up miserable.
BECOMING ONE:
In Ephesians 5:31 the scripture states that, For this
reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be
joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.
This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ
and the church... God hates divorce. However, He also hates
abuse. God does not want you physically or mentally
abused. He certainly does not want you disrespected by
a man/woman committing adultery against you.

Too many women/men in this country, in their quest for a
mate are settling with people who are not worthy of them.
The reason, so many people are in unhappy a marriage is
because they latched onto the wrong person to please society,
family or friends. Now they are stuck with a mean or
unaffectionate or abusive mate. It is not too late for you.
If you pick the right mate from the beginning, you won't end
up hurt and miserable (divorced).
Listen carefully, GOD says that when you marry, you become
ONE with that person. God no longer sees you as separate,
but He sees you and your mate as ONE person. We cannot
fully comprehend it because God says it's a great mystery!
Think about your boy/girlfriend. Do you see yourself
becoming ONE with them? If you have problems after marriage
it's because something was broken before marriage (that was
obviously ignored). If you do not have a boy/girlfriend yet,
GREAT! Now you know what to look for!
Too many people are getting married multiple times.
God is not pleased with that. He sees it as adultery.
It is His will that we marry once, create a family with
that one person, and be happy… ecstatic in that
marriage.
The scriptures also states, the man shall leave his parents.
Check out the family of the man that you are considering
marrying! Are they always leaning on him, trying to borrow
his money? Are you in agreement with them always calling him
to the house to take care of their personal problems?

Guess what? It won't end after marriage. If he is giving
them money now, he will continue after marriage. If his
family is leaching off of him now, they will after marriage.
The question is, can you handle it? If not, now is the time
to discuss the problem. Don't wait. There are too many
men who refuse to leave their father and mother.
There are too many women who refuse to leave their parents.
Extended families are famous for breaking up marriages.
NOW is the time to get the problems straight.
Finally, how attracted are you to your future spouse?
Please do not marry if there is a shadow of a doubt that
you are totally attracted to them physically. Too many women
lose their husbands because after marriage they stop having
sex. The reason many women stop having sex is because their
husbands are cold, rude and abusive. If you are married to
a man who has the qualifications of the "faithful man"
listed above in this article, you will be attracted to him
forever, emotionally and physically!

Women who don't want sex with their husbands are women
who married the wrong man.

PLEASE ladies; don't marry the wrong man. Wait.

In Solomon 3:4, it is said, I found him whom my soul
loves. The reason she found the one whom her soul loves
is because she was PATIENT!

Luke 21:19 says, in your patience possess ye your soul.
The interpretation of that for a single person is that
if you are patient, you will meet the one whom your
soul loves.